Sunday, August 3, 2014

Ode to Jay

Dear Jerald,

I'm not doing so well with the poetry writing today.  I keep hitting backspace more than any other key.  I suppose that means this isn't really an ode, but I'm not changing the title...it's the only clever thing I've written in an hour.  :-)

How do I sum up fifteen years of emotion in a short and sweet blog post?

How do I begin to share what it's meant to be your Mama?


I find myself often lingering in the sad, sappy, sentiment of how the time has gone too quickly and I want the moments back.  An instant later, I am relishing the present and looking forward to seeing you grow into a man.

It's a curious thing, this Mama gig.  Full to overflowing with every emotion imaginable, sometimes all (or nearly all) of them at once.

As I look UP now to see into your eyes, I'm captivated by what I see there...

The twinkle that was there when you were a toddler is still there. I hope the things of this world never dim it's shine.

One look takes me back...

To the time you picked up a screaming newborn Rocklin, holding onto nothing but his sleeper and proceeded to carry him down the hall while telling him "it okay, Rocky.  Jerald Thomas not let you go."

As I quickly pulled him from your tiny grip, secretly relieved that you didn't drop him on his head, you smiled and said "see? tol' you I could take care of him."

A moment later, and I'm remembering how you would wait at the window for daddy to come home.  You couldn't tell time in a traditional sense, but you knew exactly when to head to that window every day.  Fifteen years later, even when it sometimes annoys me, I secretly LOVE that you still wait for your daddy to come home.  The predictability of a set time is long gone, but still you wait every night for that familiar sound of his work truck.  Just as you did as a toddler, you race to open the door and be the first to say "Hi, Daddy."

My mind continues to wander down memory lane, dusting off cobwebs and remembering good and bad...and I can always see that Jerald twinkle...even in the hardest times...

When I lay on a hospital floor sobbing and begging God to let Uncle Aaron live.  You rescued me in that moment when a not quite 4 year old you bounded over and said, "I'm gonna miss him too, but you don't see me cryin' about it.  Get up!"

When Pop-pop Salvation Army died and you asked if you could please sing at his funeral, because he liked to hear you sing.

So, very many memories to cherish.  So, many stories to share.

Your love for your siblings, your kindness, your excitement, your curiosity, your strong will...so much more stands out as I recall each moment.

This road hasn't always been easy for either of us.

It's at times been long, twisty, rough terrain.

It's been full of pit stops, pot holes and wrong directions.

I'm sure as we navigate these next few years towards adulthood there will be more rough patches to come.

There are still so many unknowns and uncertainties.

Yet, as we celebrate fifteen years with you, the joy overflows and covers every inch of every difficult moment.

I don't wish the hard stuff away. It's a huge part of what's made both of us who we are, but I sure am glad for the shining joy that makes it all seem a dim, distant, small part of our life.

I'm not sure there is much else I could say, even if I had hours to sit here.

What I really want you to know can be summed up like this...

You have been a delight since the moment we first knew you were on the way.

You have challenged us, perplexed us, amazed us, overwhelmed us inspired us and fulfilled us in ways I don't think I'll ever be able to share.

It has been a privilege to be your Mama and I am thankful for the gift of these fifteen years to watch you grow and change and become a fine young man.

More than anything else I've written, I want you to know this...

You are loved so very much.  As you are...for who you are.

Happy 15th birthday, Jerald!  I hope this year is everything you dream it will be.

Love,

Mama























Friday, July 11, 2014

Be Still My Heart

This guy...

These eyes.  Oh, these blue, blue eyes...

















This head tilt when he's being a flirt...


















The smile and the way it lights up the world...


















The faces, the funny, ornery faces...




















The adorable...is it even legal to have this much adorableness in one tiny package?!

















Oh, the way he looks up at me (or in this case his big brother)...
These eyes, these blue, blue eyes.
Yes.
I know.
I already mentioned the eyes.
But...
Be Still My Heart.
These eyes.

















This guy...
He melts me.
He stops me in my tracks.
He reminds me to cherish every moment.
He makes me fall to my knees in thanksgiving, so thankful for another little one.
He brings me such joy.  Unspeakable joy...just as his siblings did and still do.
He causes me to neglect my blog and just about everything else because really...
all I want to do all day is hold him
and stare at him
and snuggle with him
and treasure every moment.

In a blink, he'll be taller than me.

HOW is he ten months already????




















(all pics courtesy of big brother, Rock...check out more of his photography at www.mylifeasarock.blogspot.com)

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Peas in a pod

What do you think, do they look like they are cut from the same mold?


























































 



















and a bonus of Fisher just because:
















I don't have a picture of Kev as baby, but for comparison and so you can see where they get their cuteness from, let's go wayyyy back to...




















Wednesday, April 16, 2014

This space

I'm not sure what to do with this little corner of the internet.

I go back and forth between wanting to jump back into blogging and wanting to delete the whole thing.

I don't have much time these days. 

Well, I suppose this is probably a "cop out".  I've never really had much time and I've made it work.  I guess the truth is I'm less inclined to make it work these days.  The time when I could blog is time I'd rather spend in other ways in this season of life.

Part of my struggle is in deciding what to write.  That's always been a bit of a problem, but as my children grow it seems more of an issue.  I am more and more becoming keenly aware that these stories aren't just mine.  In fact, I'm not sure they are mine at all much of the time.  I have long made a habit of asking permission before posting most things. For every post there are many that go unwritten because they are too personal, too difficult or a dozen other reasons.  Even when permission is granted, I wonder will they change their mind later at 20,30, 55?

So.

Yeah.

I'm not sure what will become of this space. 

Maybe I'll spruce it up with some new writing. 

Maybe I'll take it down. 

Maybe I'll leave it like an abandoned old house.

For now, I'll just stick to saying life is busy and I don't have much time.

Things have been wonderful and hard and fun and boring and fabulous and awful and busy and full and a million other things...that's always been the case and likely always will. 


Really, it could all be summed up in one little word.

Life.

The good, the bad, the ugly...it's all a gift.

I may not be writing about it much these days, but I am trying my best to soak it all up...especially moments like these:










Friday, October 11, 2013

Just because...

Rocklin loves to take pictures and while he prefers to do nature photography, he can't resist taking pics of his adorable baby brother.  I was looking through recent photos and here are a few that he's captured...







Monday, September 23, 2013

And then there were six...

 Alternatively titled, the not so little Rebels meet their new baby brother.

These pictures aren't much as far as photography goes.

We were too busy living the moment to worry about capturing it for later.

Even still, with the blurriness and other imperfections, I think the joy is pretty evident and in my not so humble opinion these pictures are priceless.


First glimpse...







 











































Finally in their arms...






























Parker is SO excited about being a big brother!




















This is one of my favorite pictures ever!  I LOVE how intently they are looking at each other...my heart melts every single time I look at this one. 





Thursday, September 19, 2013

He's here!

It's been way too long since I've posted, I have birthday posts and summer fun posts and posts on a dozen other topics all swirling in my head and my draft box, but alas there isn't enough time or energy in the day right now to get caught up.

I couldn't get posting to work from my phone, but now that I'm on the computer for the first time in over a week, it's time to properly introduce the blog world to our new little guy.

Fisher Simon (Fin)

We are all in love and so, so, so thankful to be given this precious gift!





Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Seven

I just sat and looked through my blog archives, amazing how fast the years go by even as the days sometimes seem so long...

Wasn't it a month ago when I was posting about your first birthday?

It couldn't have been five years ago that your favorite gift was a new toothbrush.

Your third birthday came and went so lightening fast, I didn't have a chance to post more than a couple of pictures.

Surely it was just last week that we spent time giggling and snuggling before you fell asleep and grew overnight as you became four.

Then there was turning five and falling in love with Playdough.

A few days ago it seems, we were so excited about all the adventures that would come with being six.

Now, one short blink and here we are at the door of SEVEN!

Happy, happy, happy 7th Birthday, Punky Doo! 

Your joy is contagious, 
your tender heart humbles me, 
your giggles reach down to the depths of my soul, 
your energy exhausts me 
and I am forever grateful that I get to be your mom. 

I hope this year of seven is all you dream it will be and so very much more!

























































Think he likes it?



















Aaron says "No kissies."  Guess what Parker was determined to do?